They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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