dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
