Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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