im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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