dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he fucked my hip out of place.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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