i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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