i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
