Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Need sex. Gaining weight.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
