He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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