he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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