worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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