I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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