I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
