if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
