Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
