Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
