My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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