apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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