do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
i out mim tonsoeep
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