dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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