Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
