smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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