She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
