I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
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