where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
