I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you didnt know i had herpes?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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