You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
