Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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