Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
