worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
