I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
