You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
