im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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