It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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