the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
