quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
