We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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