we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
