before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
We smell like vodka and hangover
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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