feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
