He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
