Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
wow bdsm is so cute
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
