i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
