Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
