woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
