Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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