I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
