sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
