she looked like the before picture.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
