it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
