its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
