The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
