When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
