I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
