im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
