38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
