Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
