I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
